Many are the atrocities committed by the Centauri Aliens before they were domesticated and tamed by humans at the end of the first intergalactic war, around the 2050s, but Planet Grimes stands out as the most bizarre of them all.
During the early 2020s, the Centauri Aliens managed to steal DNA from LA's gay porn star, Nate Grimes, from a gym towel he left behind. Their collective sexual obsession with Grimes led them to populate a dwarf planet near Alpha Centauri with exact replicas of him—900 in total. These clones were designed and programmed to run a large-scale amusement park dedicated to the sexual torture of themselves, all for the amusement of the Centauri Aliens. Marketed as a retreat for members of the military but available to all citizens of Alpha Centauri, the park offered free entry and lodging, featuring attractions that allowed guest to torture clones in a variety of ways ranging from mild afflictions to extreme punishments. Attractions like ‘Tickle Torture Island,’ ‘Triple Fist,’ and ‘240 Loads in 24 Hours’ delivered on their promises, though they were considered mild in comparison to the blockbusters ‘Impossible Insertions,’ ‘Nate Births a Giant Monster,’ and a macabre fortune wheel that would impale a clone over uncommon and oversized sharp objects These extreme barbarities tested the physical endurance and elasticity of each clone to the max, but it was prohibited to cause them death—not out of moral values, but simply because the Centauri Aliens didn't have time to regularly clone replacements, especially in the middle of an intergalactic war. Therefore, the park was promoted with slogans like "Why kill them once when you can torture them forever." Occasionally, there were deaths, as is the case with any high-risk job, but no one was to blame—the clones were simply replaced.
When humans became aware of the existence of Planet Grimes, they persuaded the Centauri Aliens to close the park and set the clones free. However, what happened next was even more bizarre.
Two months after the park's closure, the clones sent a press release to the surrounding civilizations, announcing the reopening of the park. This time, it welcomed not only Centauri Aliens but all species in the Milky Way, promising a redesigned concept and new attractions featuring even more violence. Their slogan this time was "Turn up the gore." Of course, only the press and a few clueless Centauri Aliens showed up, and the opening was a catastrophic failure. Everyone was shocked and speechless, and even the press had a hard time addressing the subject. Not much was said by the clones themselves. A few months later, another press release was sent out, but this time in the form of a farewell letter. Part of it read as follows:
"We, the Nate Grimes species, thank all of you, civilizations in the Milky Way, for offering us the opportunity to integrate amongst your societies. However, if we cannot help you realize your most sexually depraved fantasies, then we have no purpose here. We were born to suffer; therefore, we must sail across the stars in search of civilizations that may appreciate our willingness to be used and abused, and be regarded as garbage. Only in such a place may we feel complete."
When the original Nate Grimes back on Earth was interviewed by the press about the whole ordeal, he stated, "Listen, I understand why someone would want to make 900 copies of me. But I am not responsible for the actions of these clones or whatever controversies they may cause. I am not their daddy, so I would appreciate it if you stopped asking me about this. One thing I will advise though, y'all better be careful about where you leave your gym towels.”
