DJ Cedrick: Welcome to Space Wackos! The radio show that brings you all the latest and greatest in UFO sightings and alien encounters. I am DJ Cedrick and with the help I’m my beautiful co-host DJ Whitney, we’ve done extensive UFO research across the nation and prepared and excellent new show for you.
DJ Whitney: That's right, Cedrick. Today we've got a doozy for you folks. Our phones have been ringing off the hook with reports of strange lights in the sky and close encounters of the very wacko kind.
DJ Cedrick: Oh boy, I can hardly wait. [sarcasm]
DJ Whitney: [ laughing ] Me neither. We've got some real space wackos out there, folks, I’d normally say that you got to watch out for the aliens, but sometimes you gotta watch out for the wackos too.
DJ Cedrick: But first, we have a caller on the line. Hello, you're on Space Wackos.
Caller Alice: Hi, my name is Alice. I have a story to tell you, and it’s a wild one, so you better hold on to your dear selves honey.
DJ Whitney: [ skeptical ] Okay, Alice. We're all ears. What do you got for us?
Caller Alice: Well, it started a few weeks ago. It was a stormy night and I was having one of my epileptic seizures and when I woke up, there was this strange object just laying there in the corner of my bedroom.
DJ Cedrick: [ sarcastic ] Oh, this sounds like a good one. What was it Alice? A flying saucer? A little green man?
Caller Alice: No, no. It was a rocket-shaped object. Nice, rounded, smooth and shiny. And somehow so sexy and irresistible. I call him Sputnik.
DJ Whitney: [ laughing] That sounds nice.
DJ Cedrick: [ laughing ] Sputnik?
Caller Alice: Yes, and it's not a joke. It's real. It sure feels real when it slides into my coochie.
DJ Whitney: [ burst out laughing ] I am sure it is Alice. Tell us more.
DJ Cedrick: When it goes into your… Excuse me!!
Caller Alice: Well, I'm in an intimate relationship with Sputnik. We engage in…. you know. We engage in fornication. Also know as “doing the nasty.”
DJ Whitney: Sex. You have sex with it! With him!
Caller Alice: Yes!
DJ Whitney: [ burst out laughing ] Oh my God, this is too good.
Caller Alice: It’s great honey. It’s the best laid I’ve ever had, and I am a mature lady, I’ve been around the block a few times if you know what I mean, and the way Sputnik owns my body it’s just…. what can I say, otherworldly.
DJ Cedrick: [ whispering ] I think we've got a real space wacko on the line here, folks.
DJ Whitney: Well, I am quite intrigued, Alice. Do you have picture of this Sputnik stud? And what size is this otherworldly ding dong?
Caller Alice: I can take a picture for you huns. He is about twelve inches tall, he is pointy at the top , with a nice bulge in the middle section that feels about thirteen inches round and he has two testicles on the lower back section forming a smooth final knot at about fourteen inches round. Yep, my new lover is well endowed and then some. I don’t live in Texas anymore, but I still like ‘em big. [ whispers to Sputnik ] Right baby? Oh yes, you are.
DJ Whitney: [ laughing ] Well alright. Good for you Alice. At least someone is getting laid this week.
DJ Cedrick: Ok Alice, But.. [ skeptical ] How did you know that you were supossed to engage in sexual activities with it? And that these bulges you describe are actually testicles?
Caller Alice : [ continues whispering ] Whatever you want my little lion, you are the boss.
DJ Cedrick: Oh wow! She is talking to it.
Caller Alice: [ snaps out of it ] What was the question honey? Sorry.
DJ Whitney: How did you know that Sputnik was meant to be, you know , inside you coochie. [ laughs ]
Caller Alice: Cause it’s alive huns, and it told me so. But that’s neither here or there, what I am really here to tell you is that I’ve noticed that when we are having our intimate sessions Sputnik starts making this weird vibrations that feel like morse code or something. I can feel them inside my body, and it seems like he’s communicating with someone in outer space. I think that this may be his method of sending reports to his home planet about us, or to a spaceship parked yonder behind a cloud, preparing the others of his kind to come down and invade planet Earth and enslave us all and force us to take their giant penises. That’s what I suspect is happening. I mean, I am pretty sure of it.
DJ Whitney: Oh no!
Caller Alice: Notice how I said penises instead of (censor bleep)?
DJ Whitney: [ laughing ] Oh yes. Thank you Alice.
DJ Cedrick: Wow, wow! So, Alice. What do you suggest we do? Should we call NASA?
Caller Alice: No, I don’t think that there’s anything we can do. It’s inevitable. I’m just here to warn y’all of what’s coming. I think it’s my duty as a citizen of Earth to just lay it out like it is and tell you that y’all either gonna die or become their sexual concubines like me.
DJ Cedrick: [ burst out laughing] What? Not me.
Caller Alice: And you are supposed to be able to take at least 12 inches in circumference of alien cock, otherwise they will zap you with their lasers right away. You’ll be useless to them.
DJ Whitney: Oh my goodness! Twelves inches? Or what they call “Big Twelve’ right. The 12th inch realm.
Caller Alice: Exactly honey. You’ve done your homework.
DJ Cedrick: The 12th inch realm? First time I hear this.
Caller Alice: So if you don’t want to die you need to be prepared, cause this rocket coming at you is pretty big…. but it feels so good when it lands on me, when it penetrates me, filling up all my orifices, making me squirt. So bulgy and so thick. [ talks to Sputnik ] Oh yes baby! Invade me! Dig deep in me! Terraform me!
DJ Whitney: [ interrupts ] Alright folk, we are going to have to go to commercial break, immediately. Because this is just too much to digest and things with Alice and Sputnik are getting a little too hot for our radio show.
DJ Cedrick: You’d think?
Caller Alice: [ continues whispering ] Abduct the hell out me! Probe me! Make me your (sensor bleep)!
DJ Whitney: But we want to know what you think of this story, our phone lines will be open as we return.
[ cuts to commercial break]
Transcript from radio talkshow “Space Wackos”
11/10/2025 SOC Universe 1.1
